Faces of ARFID Series, Brett
Brett and I met through one of the ARFID Facebook groups, which are a great resource if you have ARFID and are feeling lost and alone, or if you have just discovered you have this eating disorder. Brett is from Alabama and is 22 years old. He is a full-time nursing student, which makes me so very happy because I know he will do great things in his life and help many people! He is very compassionate and I’m so glad that he’s sharing his story! Thanks Brett!
At what age did you realize you had ARFID:
My parents said they started to notice a change in my eating habits when I was 3. Since then my diet has been very consistent. I didn’t notice that I was actually different till I was around 8.
What are your limitations with ARFID (food/friends/social activities etc.?)
Growing up I didn’t tell my friends that I had ARFID. When they mentioned going out to eat I would just lie and say I had already eaten even if I was actually starving. Eventually they just stopped asking and my group of friends quickly dwindled to just a few people. My whole life I have tried to avoid social activities because I was afraid I would be put in a situation to try new foods. I even try and avoid family reunions due to the food and people who constantly question why I won’t eat. The line I’ve heard a million times is “you don’t know what you’re missing.”
List of safe foods:
My safe foods include chicken tenders, fries, strawberries, pepperoni pizza, and junk food.
What steps have you taken to try to get help?
When I was 18 I started researching about ARFID and found several online support groups. These support groups have been the only real help I’ve found. When I was 5 my parents began taking me to several specialists, who all insisted that I would grow out of my picky eating. One doctor had my parents place non-safe food in front of me and not let me have any of my safe foods until I had eaten the food on my plate. My parents stopped this treatment after 48 hours of not eating.
What is the most frustrating thing about ARFID for you?
There are several frustrating things related to ARFID.
1. No one outside the ARFID community knows what it is. I’m a student nurse and I’ve had to read dozens of chapters about eating disorders and how to treat patients with eating disorders. Unfortunately the only eating disorders in my books are anorexia, bulimia, and binge eating.
2. The constant questions that turn into rude comments. I’ve had several people who seem interested to hear I have an eating disorder only to make a rude comment about me being a picky eater after me explaining ARFID to them.
What do you wish others knew about ARFID:
I wish others knew that ARFID was not a choice. There has been numerous occasions where I wanted to eat what everyone else was [eating] but I simply couldn’t. Like when I went to a friend’s sleepover and everyone was cooking hotdogs over the open fire. I wanted to grab a stick and hotdog and be like everyone else but I couldn’t.
What words of encouragement would you offer a person newly diagnosed with ARFID?
I would tell them what I wish someone had told when I was young. Everyone’s perception of normal is different, so you’re perfectly normal the way you are. Don’t listen to all the hateful comments and understand that as long as you’re happy who cares what others think.
Do you have anxiety/depression because of your ARFID?
I did have anxiety growing up. I recently learned how to calm my nerves and deal with the everyday challenges that I have to go through.
Are you generally happy with your situation?
It took 18 years but I am finally happy with my situation. It wasn’t until I realized that I wasn’t alone that I started to actually be OK with myself.
How does it feels to have ARFID?
I’m not sure if I can explain how it actually feels. I’ve spoken to several others with ARFID and we all felt differently. ARFID use to make me feel sad and lonely, but lately its made me feel stronger and empowered. The inner struggles I went through growing up have made me stronger and able to be OK being myself.
What do you want society to know about the stigma of ARFID?
I want people in society to know that we’re not picky eaters. We wish we could eat like everyone else but we can’t and we’re OK with that.